Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My feelings....

I have really struggled with this topic for the last few months. I have gone rounds and rounds in my head about what my true feelings are. I am a VERY stubborn person, I HATE being told what to do and when to do it. I totally agree with the facts of prop 8 yet I have really been adamant about not participating. At first it was easy I had just had a baby when this all started so really Jeff or I giving up our time was too hard....but now Ryder is four months old and I have no other excuses. I have really struggled with the emails and phone calls we have received, people have been treating us like if we are not out spending the next month on our corner than we are not obeying the prophet. I have read and re read the message sent by the first presidency and it is simply stated "do what every YOU can to insure the successful passing of this proposition" Really why do some people feel the need to decide for ME what I should be doing.

So there it is and what is the point of all this.....I have decided that I need to get on board and actually help so I can have mine own experience and perhaps soften my heart. I have agreed with this from day one but I have disagreed with all the scare tactics on BOTH sides. I don't like feeling like I am being conned into doing something....and don't worry no one that reads this blog has done this. It really is probably more me than them like I said I am stubborn. But I think they only way for me to get over my intense feelings iks to do something about it.
I know that I am not the only one who feels this way I have read a lot online about different situations and the nasty fights that are happening within the walls of some of the churches in California.....and to this I say we are going to have to continue to be Brothers and Sisters long after this election. Please be kind to one another, we don't know what there reasoning and for some even voting YES is all they can do.
Jesus has taught to love everyone, loving doesn't mean accepting. I have a few friends who I love dearly I may not agree with there choices but they are still in my life and I appreciate them. What would I do if one of my own children told me they were gay I would love them and I know it would be a hard line in the sand to draw. So for some people simply voting is all they can do and even that weighs heavily on their and their families hearts.

I think we are going through all of this more to learn to love and respect each other in the way Jesus taught, there are many out there on both sides NOT doing this.

We don't have to see eye to eye on this I am happy to agree to disagree. I hope I don't offend anyone with my thoughts but this is my way of journaling and really leaving this out would be leaving out MONTHS or turmoil in my life!

Lastly I appreciate my friends, and family for being loving examples for trying there best and not judging me. I am so grateful to have such good examples that make me want to strive to be a better person. Also to Jeff who never says a word to me in my ranting, who has known that this has been a very hard topic for me and I appreciate his love and understanding and most of all for not putting any pressure on me...(I think he knew I would come around =))


The Four on Board said...

amen to that post. i am struggling as well......and so are other people close to me so you arent the only one.

karin said...

I am glad you jotted your feelings down. I personally am not having a hard time with this proposition but I also am not feeling guilty (what is that) about not participating more. Maybe because I missed more than a month of church (because of football) that I don't feel like it was pushed on me as much (they don't have talks about this in Utah).
I am really glad you have decided to vote YES though.

Ryan and Missy- said...

Abby, you're amazing. I feel you. I've been glad that we've had school as an excuse to kind of stay out of it, and I know that's horrible of me. The whole thing just makes me uncomfortable. Even when we went door to door, I couldn't do it. Lucky for me, Ryan totally understood and he went alone, but I think not everyone is as understanding. I do feel like a "bad member" for not signing up to participate in every 'yes on 8' activity though. I just can't WAIT for it to end.

Jamie said...

I'm glad you wrote your feelings down on this. It has been hard for me as well. I've known I would vote yes but, I'm so uncomfortable with confrontation that it is hard for me. It is much easier for certain personalities. But, I also felt so strongly about it that I felt I wanted to participate. Holding the signs has been an eye-opening experience as well as going door to door & making phone calls. But, I also feel it has made me a little stronger. I guess that's what adversity does. And speaking up for something I believe in has given me more confidence in myself. But, we should never judge others, in or out of the church. We all have a right to believe what we want. I held signs my Yes on 8 sign next to girls with No on 8 signs & felt like they had every right to be on that corner as I did. You are amazing! And I, too, will be soooo happy when this is over!

Aubrey Leong said...

I'm sure many feel the same way as you. I would if I still lived in Cali. It's so hard. I think our generation has been taught so much to be politically correct and not to offend...we have a harder time standing up for things, even when we know they are true. I know I have a hard time speaking up sometimes. My friend Tristan blogged about this and I found it interesting. She's got a link to some really great info...and maybe you know all this but I've just been learning (since I live in Utah). Anyways...good luck with everything. Oh, and her blog is http://kenandtris.blogspot.com/ if you want to read what she has to say.