3-1-11

This will probably be long and boring for most but for my sake here is the story of our miracle boy.........Last Saturday I was released from the hospital on strict bed rest. I will say I have done bed rest with each pregnancy and this was by far the easiest to actually be on bed rest. I felt really lousy so it was easier for me to actually lay around and do nothing. Monday night I wasn't feeling good. Jeff really wanted me to go to the hospital but I was convinced that I just felt yucky from so many days of lying down. My entire body ached. I got a great night's sleep after taking some Tylenol PM thank goodness! I woke up Tuesday feeling great I took a shower and did my hair and everything. I knew Tuesday was going to be an easier day Noah and Sawyer both had school and one of my friends had offered to take Ryder for the day. I was looking forward to the couch and relaxing the day away. Around 10 I crashed. I wasn't feeling good at all. With Pre-eclampsia they tell you to call if your blood pressure is over 140/90 if you have a headache or unusual swelling. I had a horrible headache and my vision was totally blurry. I texted Jeff and told him that I wasn't feeling so hot he asked me what my blood pressure was......150/100.

After talking to the Dr. they wanted to see me in the hospital to check things out.

When we got to the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors and my blood pressure was perfect. I had this crazy nurse who was making me hold my arms all funny and said this was the trick to getting low pressures. I was SO frustrated I didn't feel well and I knew that something was wrong. I felt exactly the same as I did with Ryder the day I delivered. They did blood work and other labs and everything was fine. Then my blood pressure started climbing at one point the bottom number was up to 110. That was it the next thing I knew I went from being told I was going home to a panic of getting my c-section started in the next 30 minutes.

Getting all ready to go in. I was so sad I didn't get a good belly shot before I went in I was a little sad to be done with pregnancy I was enjoying my belly!

Thankfully I got a new nurse she is a lady in our stake and she took amazing care of me. It was such a huge comfort to me especially since my mom was on her way but wasn't going to make it before I went in. She has been there before each one and she is SO calming for me I was trying so hard to not get anxious and remain calm. This c-section was by FAR my best yet! I didn't get super sick like I always do. I had the best anesthesiologist who listened to everything I said and I swear that made all the difference.

Jeff is such a trooper he is so wonderful at helping to keep me calm. He has been amazing through bed rest and all I have no clue how he did it all the last two weeks.


Finally he was out.........they had him out really quickly! He looked so teeny when they held him up. I felt so bad for the poor little guy just ripped from the womb like that. Right away he was doing really well. They were in the room working on him for a while and I was so happy he had an awesome cry! His lungs were great I had received steroids for his lungs the week before and I think that made all the difference.

Rhys Neil Trapp

4lbs. 11oz.

18inches

As they were working on Rhys I could hear Jeff say he wasn't feeling well. The nurses

quickly got him out of the room. Poor guy they had him sit down in the hall way with some juice.

He said the room suddenly got very warm and he thought he was going to pass out. The nurses were glad he spoke up a lot of people just pass out which means a check up in the ER and lots of paperwork. I am SO glad he didn't pass out.

I finally made it to recovery my parents and Jody and Rich came in and visited me showing me pictures of Rhys. It was good to have them all there because it helped me not think about the pain and the horrible shaking which I HATE!! The worst part of high blood pressure is the magnesium they put me on afterwards to prevent seizures. It burns so much going in the IV and makes me feel nasty. So the next day or so was kind of a blur.


We had many many many visitors. These three were my favorites though. They have been such troopers with all the craziness. My parents have been amazing bringing the boys back and forth and taking such good care of them.

All and all we are doing much better than a week ago. I was checked out from the hospital on Saturday. Rhys will have to be there a few more days. He is doing awesome. He eats like a champ and his lungs look great. So we wait I can't wait to have all my little men under one roof. Huge huge thank you's to the amazing people in our life who have helped in so many ways! I feel so blessed!

phew......sorry that was SO long. More to come of the last few days!!!

REALLY ..... A Year Ago?????

I can't believe this was a year ago.....It is so crazy how the time flies....
I woke up last year on this day feeling yucky....I was feeling yucky anyway....high blood pressure and lots of drugs to stop labor didn't do well for me....but this day felt different I felt like it was THE day......So I made Jeff take a belly shot. So scary.....

Right before the emergency C-Section......I remember feeling SO nervous. My Dr. was off that day it was a Friday. Luckily he should up moments after this...in his golf clothes I was so relieved...seriously he is the best OB if you need one...CALL ME!



Everything was a whirlwind of LOTS of emotions and LOTS of scary moments after the c-section. I still can't believe I didn't get to hold my baby or see him for more than a moment until the next day....I was soooo sick and groggy after the surgery I couldn't make it up to NICU.

Having a baby in the NICU is the scariest thing....even though I knew Ryder was going to be fine and come home with us. There are so many LITTLE babies with very scary problems. It is so nerve racking the ENTIRE time! This is part of the reason I am not sure we will have another....I am SO scared that this will all happen again!


This year at times seemed to go SO slow....Ryder was so unhappy in the beginning. I am so glad that he is so much happier. I can't believe what a joy he is. He LOVES people and gets so excited when we are out and about......except the other day...and I tell you, you had to see it to believe it. Those who are around him often don't believe me.
Ryder is finally crawling up on fours, pulling himself up in his crib. He loves to be outside....he will just sit in the yard while I make dinner and watch his crazy brothers.
I am so grateful for this last year. I feel like I have grown so much and learned a lot. I am not so sure how I am going to do Three toddlers....luckily Noah is becoming more of a help everyday. I love the four age...except the talking back.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RY RY!!!! We love you and can't wait to celebrate this weekend!!!

Coming full circle.....

So I have debated posting about these experiences for months. But I am going to forget soon and I want to remember all of the events around Ryders birth. It wasn't until my experience last night that I realized it is for me and it is important. This is going to be LONG post and it totally won't hurt my feelings to have you skip it over.

So one year ago this weekend we found out we were pregnant with Ryder. I remember it perfectly because our stake holds this amazing live nativity called Follow the Star. We went the night we found out last year, I remember nothing from the event because the whole entire time I was walking around in shock trying to wrap my brain around how crazy the falling year would be for us. I remember thinking that 07 was a VERY trying year for us and we had broken down finacially physically our lives had completely changed. And I was having a really hard time grasping at my new reality.

Fast forward to this year.....Ryder was given the opportunity to play baby Jesus for at the live nativity. I am not that emotional of a person and really I had the most awesome day yesterday. Watching Ryder portray the birth of our Savior, really moved me in a way I can really not explain. There is a part where they talk about Mary and how our lives are really not that much different that we still need faith and that the birth of a child is a miracle. It was then that I realized that Ryder has been a miracle to our family. I realize that people endure all sorts of trials and really the events around Ryder are only a blip of what some people go through but last night it was very clear to me that we had survived and that he is truly special.

These past six months have been the hardest so far for me. I have been beaten physically and emotionally and I feel like I have really come full circle.
Going on bed rest at thirty weeks was VERY hard for me. I am full of energy, controlling and HATE to admit that I can't do it all myself. I had to rely on people and that is such a hard lesson for me. I had to literally put my faith in God that I would able to survive the weeks ahead. I know it was only five and a half weeks but it felt like eternity and the lessons I learned are still important for me.
I feel like the day I had Ryder is such a blur it all happened so fast and I had never been in that much pain in my life and really don't remember much of the day. I remember once they decided to do an emergency c-section everything started happeneing really fast. People from the NICU came and talked to us and explained given his 35 week status he would most definitly be there for the night atleast. My only request was for my Dad and Jeff to give me a blessing. I had never had any of my c-sections without a special blessing and I certainly wasn't going to start then. I have no clue what was said but I remember a feeling of peace and I knew that we could conquer whatever happened.

I got to see him for a split second, I wasn't even able to touch him. The next 24 hours were horrible. I felt so diconnected from reality and most importantly from my baby. I was on all sorts of medicines which didn't help. Finally that night I felt enough strength to sit up long enough to go and see my baby. I don't remember much from that first visit. I remember coming back to my room and just crying he was so scary looking being hooked up to all those machines. But seeing him put my body into healing mode and for the rest of my stay I walked up to almost every feeding to be there. I couldn't help but feel guilty for not being there 24/7 like I had with my other two. I felt like he was missing out as was I.




When I got discharged and we learned that Ryder would not be coming home with me. I lost it and was very upset and just wanted my boys all home together. I didn't take all the nurses were saying very serious, they gave me the bare minimum of information I didn't ask very many questions, knowing that if I knew too much I may break down. It wasn't until about a month ago when I was reading a book about a family and one of their babies had the same thing as Ryder her take on it was so much more descriptive and I had no idea that what he had gone through was VERY serious. (I believe that if I had no all of that I would have had a nervous breakdown.) Another thing I consider to be the hand of God was that at day 5 of Ryder's life he became jaundice.....usually it happens earlier and is the highest at day 4 or 5. I KNOW that he was put on the lights for jaundice for me. Knowing that I had to leave him there and could in no way be there all day everyday this was his of letting me know it was okay to not be with him. We could only hold him during feedings. So it helped me to feel less guilty that I couldn't be there all day. I again relied on the priesthood and Rich and Jeff gave Ryder a blessing which came again as a huge comforter to me.

I understand now that I think the big boys needed mom during the transistion. They had been without mom for weeks and not having my newborn at home though it about killed me helped me to give them some normalcy after weeks of chaos.
When it was finally time to bring Ryder home we had to send Sawyer away with croup. Really I again think Heavenly Father was helping me transistion into my new normal.

Ryder has been my most challenging baby more demanding than the rest, at times rattling me and making me so tired.

But last night seeing that nativity seeing my baby touched me it made me feel like I can close a chapter in my life. Like this year though it has been challenging, I have been so blessed. I am in no way like Mary but I feel like I have gained a new perspective on her young existince her remarkable journey will never be like mine but I love the chance to learn and feel grateful. I am so grateful for my family who drove back and forth taking what ever burden they could, making meals and just sitting with me. I feel like I have been so blessed with great inlaws. They took such great care of us. Driving me back and forth helping with the boys, cooking, cleaning. Really I don't know what I would have done. All of our family knew when I needed help and knew I would never ask. I am so blessed so grateful. My friends who like my family knew I would never ask but did just the right thing at the right time.
Jeff who has been a pillar of strength. I sometimes get after him for not being emotional enough but I know he keeps things together for me. For months he picked up where I lacked as he often still does. Really I feel like we have grown so much as a couple. I don't know what I would do with out him!!

I am so touched my this season and now the nativity will forever mean more to me. I hope to turn to these lessons of faith in the future. I know I saw so many hands come together for me and my family. I really have come full circle and it only took a year!

And if your still with me after that long post....thanks for reading....and you deserve a treat!